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As a kink or fetish, objectification refers to arousal by being dehumanized. For example, someone who wants to be erotically hypnotized to see themselves as a sex doll or object would have an objectification kink (or fetish, if that’s the only way they can get off). Prior to the release of the fifth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders in 2013, participation in fetishism and sadomasochism was actually considered a mental disorder by health professionals. For more intense forms of erotic play, you could take a class, read a book, or watch instructional videos. Some practices can be dangerous and lead to injury without taking proper precautions. And, as previously mentioned, BDSM activities need to be carefully pre-negotiated so that each party understands what will happen.

Want to encourage even more depth in your relationship?

If you’re not comfortable with being verbally demanding just yet, then get physically demanding. Take your significant other’s hands and guide them where you want them. This means you need to make sure that they’re comfortable and getting what they want out of the experience.

  • BDSM is a way of having sex in which one partner plays a dominant role, while the other is more submissive.
  • Of course, you can change what you say, but often only changing a few things can have a significant impact.
  • You need to sit down before having sex and figure out what you’re both comfortable with.
  • This helps ensure that neither party’s sexual boundaries are violated.

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  • Compliments do not have to be dirty or even contain dirty words or phrases.
  • The next time that you are alone at home, in your hotel room or driving your car, begin to speak aloud.
  • But considering almost half of the general population has tried some form of BDSM in their lives, it’s safe to say submission doesn’t have one #lewk.
  • While fewer people may be practicing BDSM and submitting than those who fantasize about it, you’re definitely not alone if you have an interest.

For example, some people enjoy hardcore dirty talk and being degraded in the bedroom, and others may prefer something much ‘lighter’. But in any case, starting by addressing dirty talk with your partner directly can make you feel much more comfortable. Not just because “sex sells.” It’s because we want to experience people—especially women—in their raw, unabashed sexual power. Strippers are skilled professionals at embodying this sexual goddess/god energy.

Know how far your partner is willing to go

Reflect on any underlying beliefs, cultural influences, or past experiences that have shaped your perception of vocalizing during sex. Society often imposes taboos and stigmas around discussing explicit desires or using certain words in a sexual context. It’s crucial to challenge these taboos and reclaim your sexual autonomy. Once you have your hot phrases, it’s time to commit them to memory. Read them aloud daily, preferably before bed or during moments of self-pleasure. By repeatedly speaking the phrases, you’ll become more familiar with them, and they’ll flow more naturally when using them during sex.

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It might seem a little meta to talk about talking, Francis says, but it’s good practice before you start doing anything during sex—yes, even showering your partner in praise—to get on the same page. After all, what you think is incredibly hot to say might not be what they find arousing to hear. A kink can be anything that’s both erotic and a “plot twist,” Shadeen Francis, LMFT, an AASECT-certified sex therapist in Philadelphia, tells SELF. “It isn’t what you’d expect in terms of vanilla sex,” whatever that might mean for you, she says.

Kinks and fetishes can feel taboo no matter how much sex positivity exists online. Secretly scouring the internet for a list of kinks to try with your partner can often feel subversive and, frankly, a little uncomfortable. But the thing is, sex is entirely subjective and people often are curious to try things that they think they might enjoy, so there’s no shame in familiarizing yourself with what’s out there.

If your sub is a pony, kitty, puppy, or another animal within the realm of BDSM pet play, the things you say to your sub might sound a little different. For some people, nothing gets them wetter or harder than being degraded. So for them, the following dominant phrases might just hit the spot. Another popular sex toy in dom/sub relationships is the gag, a device designed to hold the sub’s mouth open or prevent them from speaking. A ball gag straps a rubber or silicone ball between the wearer’s teeth, while a bit gag is a rubber bar that looks much like the bit you’d find in a horse’s bridle.

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